We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
