im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
