I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
