it's too hot outside to masturbate.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
