People in love make me want to vomit
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Acid is not a monday night drug
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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