she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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