well you can't waste a boner
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
How drunk are you?
Completed.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
