i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize