Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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