I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
