Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I didn't notice because vodka
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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