Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize