Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
My ass is underappreciated
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Randomize
