wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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