and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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