i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
