physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
