girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
