I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
