I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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