no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Your shirt... Was in my pants
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize