what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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