its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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