it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
