When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
