And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
