Apparently you make a good broom.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
