idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
