I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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