He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
