You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
