Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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