I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Where did you get a picture of my penis
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
