suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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