i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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