I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
