the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
