Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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