So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Randomize
