I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
