we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I just googled if crying burns calories
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
BRING THE BAGELS
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
