Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
