it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
