I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
