I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
COCAINE IS GR8
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
