idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Randomize
