We won't sleep together?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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