Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
