when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
