so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
