i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
