dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
How does one acquire holy water?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
