awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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