awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
