Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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