I think im going to throw up on grandma
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
