we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
That's how pantless uber rides happen
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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