There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize