i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
