Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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