walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
