I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Randomize
