OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
