did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
