Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
