Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
