you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
