I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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