all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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