and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize