even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize