jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
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