you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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