something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
