dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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