No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
